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Small Cabin Forum / General Forum / Question for Married Off-Gridders
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Homesteadalaska
Member
# Posted: 18 Feb 2021 20:49
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How people find a spouse to live off-grid eludes me. This is awkward for me to say this, but I can't seem to find a woman remotely interested in remote living. I've lived everywhere from big city to the suburbs to small towns to off-grid, and the further you go from civilization, the less women there are, statistically speaking. Dating is the city seems to be for people who want to stay in the city. Dating in rural areas, which seems to be the place most likely to find like-minded folks, is virtually non-existent, in my experience. Where I live in Alaska, the common joke "there are 10 men to every woman" holds absolutely true.

So, my question is this: how and where did you find your spouse? Did you have to convince the other to go out into the great unknown?

What I'm doing obviously isn't working, haha, so would love to hear some success stories.

Houska
Member
# Posted: 18 Feb 2021 21:57
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Not easy for two like-minded people to find each other when those shared interests involve staying away from other people!

Can't provide much personal experience (my wife and I met before we developed an interest in the off-grid direction, and we've sort of both been egging each other on). But I've seen a fair number of personal ads - both directions - at the permies.com community. Slightly different focus (permaculture), but quite a bit of overlap.

Good luck!

gcrank1
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 00:03
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I remember a mate wanted ad back in maybe the '70s or '80s in The Mother Earth News. It went something like:
Wanted, female companion to live in off-grid AK homestead.
Send pics of your chain saw

Homesteadalaska
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 01:07
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Haha, love it. Brings up another question: does chainsaw bar size matter?

paulz
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 08:24 - Edited by: paulz
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Toughest question ever asked on the cabin forum.

Met mine the old fashioned way, in a bar.

We have several ladies here, hopefully they can offer advice.

FishHog
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 08:55
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I’m sure mine would have said no way when we first started dating. It was more of a slow evolution to the simple life

Irrigation Guy
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 09:49
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If you guys hear of any let me know, although my current wife might not be too thrilled.

Steve_S
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 10:51
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Geez, interesting question...
My darling and I met Online when she was doing a Phd Dissertation and I helped her with technical stuff related to Virtual World Environments as I was developing that software at that time. It started as just assistance but as we got to know each other we liked what we learned and over a couple of years we became good friends which then evolved into a real world relationship that's 10 years long now.

She's a City Girl but was always an outdoors, camping (tents not RV's {not real camping}) type from back to Girl Scouts and more. Never even blinked when presented with the Lovable Loo when we were building our place ! Signs of Goodness right there I'll tell ya. It's SEXY to see your lady in work boots & ballcap dragging logs out of the bush or clearing underbrush and happily humming along doing hard work. None of this "Ohh my finger nails will get dirty" nonsense... She dolls up really well and make heads turn but has no issue with getting "grubby" or using the sawdust compost toilet either. Never afraid of "nature & the wilderness" as it is all just an adventure.

I've known many people over the decades but can count on one hand of ever having met a woman that was comfortable & "at home" out in the bush just like they were back in the city. They are out there but not that common I think, and more likely because they were never exposed to "the world at large" in their youth. BTW: 3 women in my "count list" were ex-mil and so they got their "comfort" while doing service.

Nate R
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 10:51
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Quoting: Homesteadalaska
Dating in rural areas, which seems to be the place most likely to find like-minded folks,



I'm not sure that's true. I think there's more city-dwelling folks that would be interested to go off-grid than you think. Thus why off-grid stuff is so popular on Youtube.

snobdds
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 11:20
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My old lady is an executive and consultant to large health insurance plans (NFL MLB Ford etc). She is very independent and so am I. We are married, but she will not live on my ranch as her Lexus gets dirty on the dirt road, so she lives in town. I do spend a lot of time at the in town house and she does like the ranch, but just not to live at. It might seem odd to most, but it works for us.

My cabin and stuff she considers mine and my time away. She nevers asks how much I spend or complains when I go. All I say is, I bought a new skid steer for the cabin, and she just looks up and says good for you. She has been to the cabin three times in over 17 years.

We have a house also in Steamboat Co that she considers her equivalent to my cabin. Her and her sister and niece go up there a lot during the summer while I go to the cabin. However I am a powder junkie so we use it a lot in the winter for skiing. It works for us. Both people need to go to the places that relaxes them without the guilt of feeling like it a burden to the other. We just take the guilt and burdon out and do our thing.

I met her through our professional lives as we both do the same type of work. Don't be afraid to get someone that is not totally into what your into. Just make it work.

Fanman
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 14:10
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I had met my wife a couple of times at friend's houses, but really got to know her on a [tent] camping trip with a group of friends. In the morning, she and I took a walk and saw a really weird looking caterpillar. When she picked it up and let it crawl up her arm I knew she was cool!

Even though our cabin is in the community where I grew up, not her, she spends far more time there than I do. I'm still working but she's not, so she usually stays there full time from May through September (with the kids when they were still living with us) and I come up for the weekends.

toyota_mdt_tech
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 15:44
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Quoting: Steve_S
She's a City Girl but was always an outdoors, camping (tents not RV's {not real camping}) type from back to Girl Scouts and more. Never even blinked when presented with the Lovable Loo when we were building our place ! Signs of Goodness right there I'll tell ya. It's SEXY to see your lady in work boots & ballcap dragging logs out of the bush or clearing underbrush and happily humming along doing hard work. None of this "Ohh my finger nails will get dirty" nonsense... She dolls up really well and make heads turn but has no issue with getting "grubby" or using the sawdust compost toilet either. Never afraid of "nature & the wilderness" as it is all just an adventure.


Sounds like a cool chick. Steve, she got a sister.

gcrank1
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 16:09
Reply 


Yeah, my wife , just from diff parents

silverwaterlady
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 17:58
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There are plenty of women that love the off grid life.

Not all of us give a darn about wrecking our nails, one won’t if they are cut short, or having a perfect expensive haircut. I cut my hair. Some of us despise wearing makeup. It’s fake. Not me. I only wear it for special occasions.

Working in the bush is one of the joys of my life. I’ll get a chain saw soon. It’s gasoline powered but lighter weight and easier to start.

It’s not uncommon where our cabin is located for the women to know how to use a chain saw. Chop wood. They hunt. Get a deer every year. If they don’t survival would be difficult.

She’s out there and you will probably be going about a normal day and meet her. She’s probably wondering where you are too.

Steve_S
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 18:17
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Quoting: toyota_mdt_tech
Sounds like a cool chick. Steve, she got a sister.

Yep, the complete & total utter opposite, the "spray the air with RAID type".

paulz
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 19:56
Reply 


So who's doing the Dick Proenneke, making it all alone? I sometimes wonder how I would do. Pretty good at keeping busy but the quiet time might be tough. And that's with phone, internet, TV and a bar 2 miles away.

Irrigation Guy
Member
# Posted: 19 Feb 2021 20:37
Reply 


I have to say my wife really does her best to embrace the outdoors and cabin culture. I grew up in the woods she grew up in a mall but we both enjoy our time at the cabin but obviously I get more out of it than she does.

Alaskajohn
Member
# Posted: 21 Feb 2021 12:55
Reply 


I met my wife on a sunset dinner cruise some 40 plus years ago. Little did we know when we first met how we both came from a background where we were both born and started life on an off grid farm on opposite ends of the earth. We were both young and wanted to see the world so we decided that I would join the military and off we went to see and conquer the world.

It took us a few years to discover that we both wanted to settle down and live simply in a place where we wouldn’t have to see other people in a place where we could make something of the earth under our feet.

NorthRick
Member
# Posted: 21 Feb 2021 13:07
Reply 


Maybe take up dog mushing? There are a lot of women involved in that up here and anyone that can handle a dozen dogs in the Alaskan back country can handle off grid living.

jsahara24
Member
# Posted: 22 Feb 2021 09:47
Reply 


Maybe look into something online considering there aren't many people around?

I heard a commercial for an online dating website 'farmers only', but they included outdoors minded people in their ad. I suspect there are other similar websites.

Good luck!

snobdds
Member
# Posted: 22 Feb 2021 11:14
Reply 


Quoting: silverwaterlady
It’s not uncommon where our cabin is located for the women to know how to use a chain saw. Chop wood. They hunt. Get a deer every year. If they don’t survival would be difficult.



Mine would die of starvation and freeze to death...

gcrank1
Member
# Posted: 22 Feb 2021 14:13 - Edited by: gcrank1
Reply 


Through the years and our travels my wife has looked at rough cabins, cottages, tiny farmhouses, etc and said,"I could live there" (as in her, not telling me to!).
And for the last 35ish yrs our place a has been a reburbed late 1800 school house, added onto in the '50s to make for a whole 940ish sq.ft. Pretty much an on-grid cabin.....
Have a friend in his late 50's who just got married to a gal who lost her husband; they are doing a lot of what we talk about here as lifestyle and just got a northern property with an ancient farmhouse to re-work. They met 'online'.
So, mates are out there. Im reminded of the old saying,"if its fish ya want ya gotta go to water".

paulz
Member
# Posted: 22 Feb 2021 16:24
Reply 


What about those mail order Russian brides? Find one from Siberia, probably cross the Bering Strait in a canoe and carry it to your place.

Irrigation Guy
Member
# Posted: 22 Feb 2021 17:23
Reply 


Quoting: snobdds
Mine would die of starvation and freeze to death...


Haha, mine too! But she is a good sport.

redneckpaul
Member
# Posted: 23 Feb 2021 23:53 - Edited by: redneckpaul
Reply 


Good question,
I met my wife when answering a personal ad she put in the paper some 25 years ago. Turned out we had a lot in common, hit it off, got married.
Both had a love of the outdoors.
Were both introverts who like our alone time.
I always wanted a cabin to get away from people. finally made it happen 5 years ago.
I spend more time at the cabin then my wife does, the cabin gives us our time alone which we both need.
Family think our situation is kind of strange but it works for us.
My advice to the OP sign up for every dating site, you can find.
Be honest and tell them what you want, there is someone out there for you.
You need to cast a huge net because 99.99 percent of the women will say no way.
There is a shy introverted women living somewhere off grid who is saying she will never find anybody to share her lifestyle with and hopefully you 2 will find each other.
It won`t be easy but I`m sure there is someone out there for you.
Good luck on your search!!

Homesteadalaska
Member
# Posted: 26 Feb 2021 22:04
Reply 


I’ve been thinking about taking up mushing. I can’t think of a more perfect life than a wife, a couple kids, and a dozen dogs.

Homesteadalaska
Member
# Posted: 26 Feb 2021 22:08
Reply 


Haha, had a friend do that. Not the crossing the Bering strait part, lol, but the Siberian bride part. They work well together, but it cost him $50,000...

Homesteadalaska
Member
# Posted: 26 Feb 2021 22:11
Reply 


Quoting: redneckpaul
It won`t be easy but I`m sure there is someone out there for you.
Good luck on your search!!

Thanks, I think you’re right. Online, completely up front with my lifestyle, and cast a huuuuge net. I’ll give that a shot.

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