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trollbridge
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# Posted: 10 Feb 2012 23:19
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ErinsMom, hope you found a moment or two of peace this week. Is your daughter living with you right now?
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Bevis
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# Posted: 11 Feb 2012 09:48
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road trip for a cabin raising is in order for erinsmom...
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 13 Feb 2012 08:01
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well i will be darned...we are all replacable.praise the lord.i kicked my daughter out and her children.i tried to do it easy.she was leaving me holding the bag on all her duties...but when i did do them.she would be mad and fight me.it was a slippery slope i walked.well.i called the boys dad with them not hearing and told him to call his ex(may daughter)and ask her if he could come and get the boys after school.I told him to tell her she was kicked out.well he did and he got the boys.this is the first time in 13 yrs actually that those two parents are taking responsibilty for there kids and lives.i refuse to do one thing to help them all anymore.the last week spent with my daughter is burnt in my memory as a hot potato to not touch.this memory keeps me strong from backsliding and offering them a home again.well,they had to get a place to live.she and the kids and boyfriend are holed up in a motel.they have foodstamps to the tune of 500$ a month.she has a job.its not permanant but it is off of us.i told her i would not babysit any more or haul her about.soo...she has it covered.Whoa??? now all they need is a place to live.they had me to clean up there place,wash there dishes,drive them to work and pick them up and take them to the e.r. and me sitting in the e.r. for my whole eveing.all there yelling and screaming and my car drove down in to the ground.and after one week of being gone...she has it.this is what she told me.i wrote her this morning cause i saw she called last nite.i told her i am not babysitting anymore(only cause one thing leads to another and i will be all caught in the trap again of driving and hauling and tendning and cleaning for them all.i said if she got the kids to the transit center here in town,i would come and pick them up.maybe.oh.she says ma-we got it covered.whoa?? am i in shock??yes and super yes.
she said all they need is a place to live.well i booted her out when she had close to 4000$ in her pocket.oh well.i did not think she was gonna get an apt.i told her this morning...u are not being here even if u have to go to a shelter.just to disspell any thoughts of us going thru this again.she did not answer that one.probably mad.i hope she gets good and mad and does not come to my door for a while.only cause she needs to take responsibility for her kids and life.
we had the most wonderful weekend.to think we can work on us,saving money for our cabin,going for walks not sitting here growing fatter by the moment babysitting.we can go for walks and we even got in the jeep n went for a little adventure on the weekend.went to five guys for burgers.never had been there.just gonna enjoy what years we have left.they can do it.they can get off the apron strings.they can be doing.praise god.
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turkeyhunter
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# Posted: 13 Feb 2012 08:38 - Edited by: turkeyhunter
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Quoting: cabingal3 we even got in the jeep n went for a little adventure on the weekend.went to five guys for burgers.never had been there.just gonna enjoy what years we have left.they can do it.they can get off the apron strings.they can be doing.praise god.
good for you !!! sometimes i see people enable their children!!!!!
and they wonder why the kids don't do for themselves!!!!!
It will make them grow up !!!! I am proud of YA!!!!
btw--5 guys burgers are GREAT!!!!!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 13 Feb 2012 10:57 - Edited by: trollbridge
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Wow Cabingal3...amazing!!! I pray this will continue to be the turning point for your daughter. Tough love...it is what is needed for some kids. We have had to practice it ourselves from time to time on our oldest daughters when they were in college. They burned through money as fast as they had it. Between the three of them there always seemed to be somebody with an overdrawn bank account with fees that put them even deeper into the hole and parking tickets...OMG sooo many parking tickets!!!!! In fact one of my daughters recently parked somewhere on campus and received a ticket. When she went in to the campus office to pay for it she asked for a printout of their past history...she was shocked...they had over six hundred dollars worth of fines in one year alone!!!!!!! Funny cause two of them are music teachers now and the other works for the University in the continuing Ed dept! They always got so angry with us when we wouldn't bail them out...but I swore back when I was in college that I would never just hand my kids wads of money when they needed it cause I saw exactly where it went! I fended for myself and I figured my kids could do the same and it would make them stronger too...I always watched my siblings milk my parents for $ and it always irked me- I had too much pride to ask and never wanted it held over me...
Now I see my brother-the one with the daughter who has leukemia-sitting back and doing nothing to help that child out and it just makes me so angry. Neither parent can function...they are so bitter that they would rather spite each other than do something to save their daughters life. Their house is unfit. My husband and the two guys he works with went last Friday to replace their carpets(all free to my brother) and they didn't have a single thing moved and they rejected the carpet for their daughters room cause it wasn't girly. She has a puke stain in her doorway that nobody ever bothered to clean up...it dried to a crust but the new flooring is not girly enough? We went back yesterday to spend the day cleaning and trying to sanitize their house. We had a big fight over the phone and more fighting when we got there. My brother says the house doesn't need cleaning. My SIL says "No...she grew up in this environment and she is use to it" I reminder her that she now has no immune system and she still argued. I wanted to tell her that mold is specifically one cause of leukemia and so is smoking during pregnancy but didn't! We cut out and cleaned all the mold in the bathroom and put a new floor in. Cleaned the kitchen...disgusting the mold and crud....the fridge....barf!!!! Cob webs that hung everywhere...1-2 feet down continuously along everywhere. Cat shit...and fur and dust everywhere. My brother was out of work for 3 years and never lifted a finger and she is so overwhelmed and depressed and who knows what...he drinks and passes out...the kids fend for themselves...the doors are broken, the drywall is full of holes...it is just bad. Makes me so mad that they won't get up off their a**** and do something for their kids. What more motivation do they need than to have an extremely sick child???? They think they are doing good because they have a bottle of hand sanitizer by their door. Sorry for the rant...my husband went back today with a dishwasher we found on craigslist last night. Theirs won't drain and is full of all the scum in the world...the door is duct taped and you know what they said when he called to tell them he was coming back today??? "WHAT???It's USED??????" all disgusted. MY Lord!!!! I just don't get it????
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hattie
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# Posted: 13 Feb 2012 11:22
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cabingal3 - Good for you! Congratulations on being so strong. I know it is difficult to do. We went through some problems with my son years ago and finally had to leave him on his own. It was difficult and I was terrified something bad would happen to him, but deep in my gut I knew it was the right thing to do. He's doing fabulous today and I am so proud of him for getting his life sorted out!!! I know it is a frightening time for you, but stay strong and don't give in. Enjoy your quality time with GaryO and start living your dreams. You are worth it!!
trollbridge - WOW! Talk about not being appreciated for trying to help!!! I am so sorry your neice has to live in that filth. At least some of her family cares!! You are a good soul!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 13 Feb 2012 14:40
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Thank you Hattie. This has been very difficult for us because we live nearly 2 hours away. We have not been to their house in years and all our hopes that they had cleaned it up where squashed last Friday when my husband went there. Her mother flew up from Texas (where they winter) and was suppose to help her clean and her 2 sisters who live close by where going to help but obviously nobody wanted to really dig in and do a thorough job. Now her mother is gone again and i know what we did will not be maintained so we will have to keep making trips back to redo it but I am willing to do that. I would love for the kids to come live with us but it would never happen. I so badly want to scoop up especially my niece and get her out of there. They aren't concerned for her health they are more concerned about the homeschool teacher turning them in to CPS the first time she comes. They logically know it is that bad but won't help themselves or let us with out a fight.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 07:18
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Quoting: cabingal3 she has a job.its not permanant
i mean her living situation but her job is permanant.just to clarify.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 07:20
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Quoting: turkeyhunter I am proud of YA!!!!
thanks turkeyhunter...and yes! five guys is the best.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 07:34
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Quoting: trollbridge MY Lord!!!! I just don't get it????
yep!i hear u..u cannt understand it cause there is no understanding.its called just plain nuts.this is how my daughter wishes to live.she thinks me and gar are clean freaks and we surely are not.i would wash her clothes ,dry them and fold them.toss in the room.and they would just walk on all the clothes.i actually get out the hard metal rake and rake out the room the messy ones were in.there was a 6ft by 6ft by 3ft tall pile of clothes so big i thought a dead body could be under there for a couple of week and no one would know.i am not a clean freak but tidy.i told me daughter that she causes herself so much work by not putting things back right away.if they take the bread tag off the bread-they toss the bread tag holder that keeps the bread closed.they just go on there merry ways.nothing is put back.nothing.
i just dont get it.so now she is gone.i go thru sorrow,worry n then back to mad.hee hee.what has kept me strong is...thinking of that last week.how she gets mad if when they were living here-if the boys were hungry.i was willing to fix them anything.i think she would go for a while with her boyfriend and then come back and the kids were close to me and she would want to reclaim her tribe.well i sure dont want to raise more kids.i helped raise my moms kids,my kids,my daughters children.i just want to be left alone.so now me and the mister are having a lovely time.
i made him heart shaped hashbrowns and eggs and heart shaped toast for breakfast today.its little pleasures we enjoy.and are getting to.everytime my daughter and her boy friend comes into the house...they do a stop in their tracks cause it is so very different when they lived here.its not a showcase place but it is a clean and orderly home.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 07:37
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Quoting: hattie cabingal3 - Good for you! Congratulations on being so strong. I know it is difficult to do. We went through some problems with my son years ago and finally had to leave him on his own. It was difficult and I was terrified something bad would happen to him, but deep in my gut I knew it was the right thing to do.
u are so right hattie.it is very hard to do.the little boys get dropped off here before and after school.then my daughters boyfriend came.he was picking them up...it was all i could do to not offer to take them where they needed to go.i am done running our cars in the ground for them all.they have been taking a taxi.i think it is a good lesson in what old nammy(me)is worth. hattie,i am glad your son is doing wonderfully.hugs!
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ErinsMom
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 15:20
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What a group we are!
cabingal3,
I don't understand about the clothes. They pile up dirty, get stepped on and my daughter just doesn't care. I was being nice, washing them and would find them still folded in the floor with the dirty ones. Now, I just close the door.
Erin was just gone for five days. Wouldn't answer her cell but would answer text. Tracked her down to a town an hour away. But says she's been clean now for about two weeks and I believe this to be true. She looks good. Of course, I'm now just taking one day at a time.
Hope to have building permit by the end of week.
Girls, turkeyhunter, Bevis---LOVE YOU and have a Happy Valentine's Day
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 15:49 - Edited by: trollbridge
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Quoting: ErinsMom What a group we are!
Quoting: ErinsMom Girls, turkeyhunter, Bevis---LOVE YOU and have a Happy Valentine's Day
it would sure be fun to get together with each other...imagine the conversations! Maybe this will be the turning point for your daughter also!!!! Love you and bless you... Happy Valentine's Day to you too!
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 20:07
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Erinsmom...the litte boys need clean school clothes.my daughter would scream for them to dig thru the dirty and clean clothes all tossed together.that room was a health dept nitemare.they left food in there.i would have to go in daily or things would fester and mold.i kept smelling something horrid.i sniffed thru everything and could not find it.fiinally i found a rotten green molded orange mixed with clothes.well-just so filthy.and screaming for the boys to dig thru.sniff and smell to see if they are wearable.to save alot of grief for all.i would get in there when we were getting out of towels.because of the little boys.i would get all the clothes and wash dry and sort and stack them all in neat piles.things went smoothly when i did this.otherwise it never got done.i tried to train them to toss clothes in the washer when they got home.i just finally gave up on it all.i think my daughter spent that money .close to 4000$-thinking we would cave and let her back. hope not but this is the vibe i am gettting.Erins Mom-good luck
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happy to be here
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# Posted: 14 Feb 2012 23:33
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WOW!!! I wish I had caring parents like you when I was growing up. If your kids only knew how you suffer for their sake. Enjoy V Day ~j~
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 15 Feb 2012 04:45
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thanks happy to be here.hope your valentines day was good too.
well,thats the point.go on.enjoy life.loving let go...if things are too tuff.a person just cannt keep on living thru there children and they arent children anymore.they are adults.go and and enjoy your own life.this is what me and the mister are doing.
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 15 Feb 2012 12:55
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http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2010/07/letting-go-of-our-grown-adult-children-when-w hat-we-do-is-never-enough.html
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ErinsMom
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# Posted: 15 Feb 2012 18:55
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One of my issues is with my husband. He is the son of a former drill Sargent. He now won't speak to Erin and Erin won't speak to him. I'm am, caught in the middle. Last nite, she left with an overnight bag and her boyfriend; looking for apartment today. His only question was I OK with it. Well NO,but did he want me to tie her to bed? She will most likely me arrested by the end of week on charges of stealing my checks. I wish they could make peace before it's too late for them both.born
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Borrego
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# Posted: 15 Feb 2012 22:05
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Quoting: ErinsMom She will most likely me arrested by the end of week on charges of stealing my checks.
Maybe your husband is right.....
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hattie
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# Posted: 15 Feb 2012 22:53 - Edited by: hattie
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Quoting: ErinsMom She will most likely me arrested by the end of week on charges of stealing my checks.
And if she is, let her sit in jail. Don't bail her out! She needs to learn there are consequences to her actions and she's on her own to sort it out! Hard love, but it seems to be time for this. My favourite expression is "There are two gifts we can give our children. One is roots and the other is wings." It is time you gave her wings.
My prayers are with you ErinsMom. Stay strong and look after yourself.
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wakeslayer
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# Posted: 16 Feb 2012 10:49
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Agree with Hattie, hard as it may be.
I told my kids a long time ago, I do not pay for bail, tickets, or diapers.
My son had an incident last summer with a buddy, and they landed in the klink in the cities. We had a meeting with the other parents while they were in, and the parents were all gung-ho about running down and bailing him out. We refused. They couldn't believe it. I think it did them some good to sit under the clock with a bunch of gang-bangers for a couple days. Sort of a scared straight episode.
We simply cannot afford to coddle these guys time and time again and expect them to learn anything. I also refused to help him pay for a lawyer. He had to cough up every penny he had ($4500) to pay a guy to do 15 minutes worth of work to keep a felony off his record. He had to seel his dirt bike and his crotch rocket to get the cash. They are both doing good now, and I expect them to continue to do so.
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 16 Feb 2012 19:01
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Good for you wakeslayer...he probably won't do that again!!!!
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happy to be here
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# Posted: 16 Feb 2012 21:09
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I think that is a very responsible way to deal with youngsters. We all have to take ownership for our actions.
Did you see the video of the father who exposed his daughter's facebook post on u-tube? Not only did he expose her post, he emptied his .45 on her computer to teach her a lesson. That was extreme!
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trollbridge
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# Posted: 16 Feb 2012 22:30
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Quoting: happy to be here Did you see the video of the father who exposed his daughter's facebook post on u-tube? Not only did he expose her post, he emptied his .45 on her computer to teach her a lesson. That was extreme!
Gee...he sounds bright!
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cabingal3
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# Posted: 17 Feb 2012 14:39
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Quoting: ErinsMom One of my issues is with my husband. He is the son of a former drill Sargent. He now won't speak to Erin and Erin won't speak to him. I'm am, caught in the middle
gal-i am caught in the middle too.the mister will vent with me and then ...i tell her what he said and then its all blown over and he is done.but i get it.not her.ha ha ha.
oohhh hattie.i love this.wonderful statement.got my brain to going bonk all over the place.
two things we give our kids...one is roots and the other is wings.wow.thanks so much for this.
very very good.i keep telling myself as i steel myself at what the mister and i always do...go save her because of the little boys.
she called me yesterday...to take her to work.she is so close to work.she could fall out the door to catch the bus and she had no kids.i had them and there dad had them.her reasoning for needing a ride...her laundry was not dried.i said no.
Quoting: wakeslayer I told my kids a long time ago, I do not pay for bail, tickets, or diapers.
love this.love it.
once our gal decided to take her baby to mexico.her hubby got sent back there.i said if u are beat by him here...what will he do when there is not so many laws as here to protect u?shes like oh man!u worry about everything ma.she gets there.shes there one week and he is beating her.so they wont answer the phone.i get our neighbor who speaks spanish and my daughters mil answered finally and it was our neighbor.we had to threaten that we were gonna send the police.my daughters mil helped get my daughter and baby to the airport and back to america.that one cost of 1000$.
Good for you wakeslayer-
ha ha ha.i agree trollbridge.he does seem bright.
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